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Birthday Reflections: How We Measure Success By Age

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birthday reflections

Today, January 29, is my birthday. This year, I’m turning 28 years old and there is a lot changing in my life all at once it seems. Every year, I take some time to do birthday reflections and consider how far I’ve progressed in the past year. I note things I accomplished, things I enjoyed, things I’d do again (and things I wouldn’t), and how the year went. It is also a moment to reflect on what I’d like to do in the year to come.

My Birthday Reflections

This year, my birthday reflections looked a little different. I’m sure many people looked back on the year 2020 and thought, “worst year ever.” In many ways, that was true for me. There was a lot of stress. I didn’t meet all of my goals for the year. But, like many people, I kept going and kept things afloat (somehow). In 2020, I took better care of my health and took more time for self-care as well. That is something I’m proud of.

Financially, 2020 was not the greatest. My husband lost his job due to pandemic woes. There were several large emergencies that crippled us. Family emergencies seemed to pop up every other month and then we rounded out the year with a four-hour move back to North Carolina.

When it comes down to it, 2020 ended in a way that helped improve our lives in a big way. I hope to continue growing positively as a family this year as well.

Why You Shouldn’t Compare Yourself to Others

It is truly a mistake to measure your success against others your age. There are a lot of factors that impact how you have progressed through life. For instance, you may have had to battle serious financial struggles or mental health concerns. Not everyone your age has had to deal with those things.

On the same note, not everyone has the same long-term goals as you do. A friend of mine was speaking about graduating with her doctorate soon. She’s been working nonstop to achieve that goal but feels behind when she compares herself to her peers. Many of us have graduated and gone on to pursue careers six years ago. However, none of us will have the honor of being called a doctor. While we’ve been working to rent apartments and pay off student loans, she’s been making her dreams come true.

What I’m trying to say is if birthday reflections or self-reflection, in general, are part of your life, consider your own personal goals rather than what your peers are doing. True happiness will stem from achieving those personal goals.

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People Rarely Take Their Own Advice

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As we’ve made plenty of decisions about our lives and finances, many people have offered up words of wisdom to help us get through. However, something I’ve noticed is that people rarely take their own advice. In fact, when I think about it, it may even go back to the age-old saying my own mom recited to me, “Do as I say and not as I do.” But why is it that people seem to be able to offer up advice that they themselves can’t take (or at least can’t seem to adopt in their own lives)?

The Truth Behind It


Most of the time when people offer up their shining advice on a silver platter it is something they rarely do (or have ever done) themselves. When it comes down to it though, it is simply hard to be your own advisor. Your emotions and additional internal knowledge will cloud your judgment and lead you to make decisions that you, perhaps, would not recommend to anyone else.

More simply put, when you are not in the middle of a problem, you are better able to look at the issue objectively without all those pesky, irrelevant details. A blog post from The Cut outlined one specific example of when people talk about health issues. When we discuss health problems with someone else, we almost always suggest they get a second opinion. Once your doctor’s appointment arrives though, many people neglect to ask for a referral for a second opinion.

Why? Well, most people say that they don’t want to offend their doctor. This is something irrelevant to the actual decision at hand. When you are on the outside looking in, it is easier to look at it objectively. The same can be said of career advice, hair advice, and pretty much anything else.

Will You Take Your Own Advice?

Even I am guilty of doing this. I push the debt snowball (which I still haven’t nailed down for our family). I write on this blog every week while my finances are still not in tip-top shape, but the advice I am able to give here is from my own personal experiences. Even if I’m not taking that advice right now, per se, they are things that have helped me.

Any time you are looking at someone else’s situation, it is easier to really see the big-picture view. Having that same view when it comes to your own life is hard. It is easy to get hung up on the small stuff. But, when it comes down to it, it is all small stuff – so don’t sweat it.

When you consider offering up advice to someone, solicited or unsolicited, think about whether or not you follow that piece of advice yourself. Or, maybe, more importantly, think about whether you should be following those words of advice. Chances are, you are telling them something you need to hear too.

Readers, do you have trouble following your own advice, even when it is good?

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Continued Student Loan Payment Relief Through 2021

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COVID-19 has changed a lot of things in everyday life for most people. Many of us have transitioned into working from home, or not working at all. Others have had their entire lives uprooted. In many cases, it has also impacted people’s ability to pay their bills. Because of this, the United States government is offering student loan payment relief options through December 31, 2020, which is beyond the initial September extension.

Changes to Student Loan Payment Relief

In the wake of the coronavirus in the U.S., the government announced there would be no interest on student loans through September. This also meant no payments were required of borrowers during this time. Early in August President Donald Trump announced this extension would continue through December 31, 2020.

On top of suspending payments during this time, loan providers will also stop collections on defaulted loans. Loans will also be interest-free through the end of the year.

Should You Keep Paying on Your Loans?

Because loans are interest-free at this time, it is a great time to continue paying (and even pay more) on your student loans. For people who are able to keep up payments, this is the perfect time to really attack those loans. You could potentially make some serious debt freedom progress.

However, not everyone is able to continue payments at this time (I haven’t been able to). The student loan payment relief couldn’t have come at a better time for us. We are looking at moving again because of the cost-of-living here as well as a number of personal reasons. Recently, we were hit with about $1,500 in unexpected expenses, bottoming out our emergency fund.

So, when it comes down to it, don’t beat yourself up about not making these extra payments right now or being able to keep up with everything. Most of us can’t right now. By all means, if you have the ability, pay as much debt off as you possibly can, but if you’re working on just keeping your head above water right now, that is okay too.

Readers, how has the student loan payment relief impacted your finances? Are you still making payments or have you taken a break?

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Preparing for Financial Recovery

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No one has gone completely untouched by the coronavirus pandemic. Half of Americans say they’ve been financially affected by the virus. However, many states are beginning to reopen businesses and some folks are going back to work. What many people aren’t considering is how to begin setting themselves up for their own financial recovery.

What Will Your Financial Recovery Look Like?

Before you can start preparing to recover from this pandemic financially, you need to consider how you’ve been impacted. Everyone’s finances are set up differently. Some individuals have been hit way harder than others during this time. Certain folks are out of work, while others haven’t been financially impacted (much).

If you’ve been out of work, the first thing you may do when you get back to your job is get caught up on your bills. Others may want to focus on revamping their emergency funds or savings accounts. Many will look at how they can mend their retirement accounts after the market crash.

Depending on how you were impacted by the global pandemic, what you focus on will be different. So, think about how you have been affected by COVID-19 and what your first steps need to be.

Our Recovery

For us, our financial recovery will focus on re-establishing our emergency fund and focusing on rebuilding our credit. We decided to take a break from a few payments during this time so our finances wouldn’t be as tight.

This will undoubtedly have an impact on our credit scores and the length of our debt freedom journey, but it was something we thought would decrease our current financial stress. (Worth it, in my book!) Once we’ve rebuilt some of those areas, we will refocus on snowballing our debt with everything we’ve got.

On top of that, we are also going to be looking into some hustles to help us earn a bit more to make these things start happening sooner. My husband is looking at becoming a delivery driver and I’ve looked at some additional hustles as well.

For now though, we are continuing to stay in and stay safe! Readers, how are you prepping for financial recovery post-COVID?

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Our First Thanksgiving

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thanksgiving budget

My last personal update had a ton of good news and it seems like that isn’t going to stop any time soon. In fact, we have some even better news!

Debt Payoff Progress

We paid a total of $391 on our credit cards this month (the first payment in a while). It felt so good to be getting back on top of each of our payments. We’re also happily saving up our $1,000 emergency fund. Once that is in place, we will have quite a bit more cash to snowball our debt. We are half way to our savings goal currently.

On top of that, we have a family first…

Our First Thanksgiving

My other half and I have had two Thanksgivings together (this will be our third). However, we haven’t ever hosted Thanksgiving. Our first holiday together, we visited with his family in Tennessee, and last year we stayed home and had a meal with just the two of us. This year we will be hosting our family!

This is huge for a few reasons.

First, I am happy we have the ability to host our family this year. We aren’t scraping by so badly we can’t spare $40 for a meal. This has given me some additional optimism about our current financial situation.

Second, it is absolutely a big deal to have the family here, in our home, and cook for them and have quality time. We’ve not had the entire crew here before.

Lastly, we have a budget and we’ve managed to stick to it! Here’s how…

Thanksgiving Budget

Like I said, we’ve managed to keep the entire meal under $40. Everything costed $36.89 to be exact. It hasn’t added any additional cost either!

We scoped out the different sales on turkeys and picked a 15-lb bird up for $4.10. The promotion required you to purchase $35 in groceries to get the $0.27 per pound price, so we just purchased our week’s worth of groceries and got the turkey at a decent price.

Everything else, we’ve picked up at Aldi. Because I had some marked down meat stored away, the “extra” cost of the Thanksgiving fixings was offset by having backup meals at home already. So, we didn’t go over our $50/week grocery budget when we got everything else either.

So, essentially, Thanksgiving isn’t going to cost us any extra this year! We are looking forward to a nice Thanksgiving with family in OUR home (without even altering our budget). How awesome is that?!

Readers, what do you have planned for Thanksgiving this year? 

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Suicide Prevention Awareness Month: Remember, Your Debt Doesn’t Define You

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Did you know nearly 30,000 Americans commit suicide every year? Although there are many reasons someone may choose to take their own life, in many cases, finances play a huge role in suicide. More specifically, individuals in debt are more likely to have suicidal thoughts. So, as a part of the 3rd Annual Suicide Prevention Awareness Month blog tour, I wanted to share some more of my personal debt story.

suicide prevention awareness

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month

According to research performed by the Money and Mental Health Policy Institute, there is a clear tie between finance and suicide. Individuals who’ve experienced a major financial crisis within the last six months are eight times as likely to have suicidal thoughts than those who aren’t holding any financial stress. The study went on to say that people with multiple debts, or individuals who are unemployed, are especially at risk.

Drowning in Debt

As you all know, I’m currently holding about $65,000 in debt with my other half. Although we already steadily work on paying things off, it gets heavy. Every time money comes in, it is going out on yet another debt repayment or bill.

If you’ve been following the blog for a while, you know that $65,000 in debt is still an improvement upon where I once was. At one point, I was homeless (living in a motel). I needed desperately to pay off a $1,600 debt in order to be able to have a home again. During my six months of being homeless, I hit some of my lowest of lows and, yes, even contemplated taking my own life.

I felt like life was a constant struggle with no relief. On top of feeling like I had no way out, I also felt as though my debt was burdening others. My other half just relocated nearly five hours to start a life together and I felt as though I was holding everything back – for him, for both of us. Not to mention, I was so broke and so tied down with finances that I couldn’t see many of my friends. I didn’t have a vehicle. I didn’t have money to go out. I felt alone.

Wake Up Call

We got a windfall that allowed us to pay off the $1,600 initial debt that was holding us back and got moved into an apartment within two months. After I got that paid off, I realized that things could (and would) improve as long as I remembered I wasn’t alone. More importantly, I remembered my life was more important than the debt I carried.

Debt is exhausting – emotionally and physically at times – but it is something most people have faced in their lives. If you feel like you are alone in this, you’re not. Millions of people are in debt, but it does not have to be a death sentence. I am living proof!

Startling Suicide Statistics

Because this month is about raising suicide prevention awareness, I wanted to leave you all with a few statistics and resources.

Who is at Risk?

  • Suicide rates are highest in the spring.
  • For individuals between the ages of 24 and 35 suicide is the second leading cause of death.
  • Women are more prone to having suicidal thoughts, however, men make up 79% of all suicide deaths.

However, everyone is at risk for suicide if you experience depression or are feeling overwhelmed in life.

Suicide Doesn’t Fix Anything

I have lost family members and friends to suicide and I personally know the pain it can bring. Whether you’re up to your eyeballs in debt or feel like you are a burden financially, suicide is never the answer. In many cases, it leaves your family to pay for unexpected funeral costs. Not to mention, your family will experience an unbelievable emotional burden that will never be lifted.

Losing someone to suicide is absolutely heartbreaking. Speaking out about the link between money and mental illness, like depression, can help reduce the stigma and prevent further suicides.

This blog post is part of the 3rd Annual Suicide Prevention Awareness Month blog tour. If you are feeling suicidal, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741741. 

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Affordable Ways to Give Back This Holiday Season

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Since the holiday season is in full swing, this is the perfect time to consider giving back to others. Depending on where you are in your journey of becoming debt free this can be really tough. It’s hard to scrap up enough money to put toward your debt let alone donating money to others.

Since my kids are getting a little older I want to show them that giving back to the community not only helps them, but it makes us better as well. Helpguide.org states [Read more…]