Narcissists Use These 9 Evil Tricks to Destroy You on Purpose

If you have ever dealt with a narcissist, you know it can feel like being trapped in a psychological funhouse where nothing makes sense and the mirrors are designed to make you question your own reflection. One moment they are charming, flattering, and making you feel like the center of their world, and the next, they are tearing you down in ways that leave you spinning. The scary part is that many of their tactics are deliberate, designed to confuse, control, and slowly dismantle your sense of self.

This is not about being dramatic. These “tricks” are real strategies narcissists use to keep people off balance and dependent. Recognizing them is the first step toward protecting yourself and, more importantly, breaking free from the hold they try to maintain. Below, we uncover the nine most destructive tricks narcissists use and how you can spot them before they take root.

1. Gaslighting: Making You Question Your Own Reality

Gaslighting is one of the most common weapons in a narcissist’s arsenal. They will deny conversations ever happened, twist events to suit their story, and insist that you are “too sensitive” or “imagining things.” Over time, you may start doubting your own memory, instincts, and even your sanity. That is exactly what they want: for you to lean on them for “clarity.”

How to protect yourself: Keep a journal of events so you have your own record to reference. When they try to rewrite history, remind yourself that your version of reality is valid. You do not need their approval to trust your own mind.

2. Love Bombing and Future Faking

At the start of a relationship, a narcissist might flood you with attention, gifts, compliments, and promises of a picture-perfect future. This “love bombing” feels intoxicating, like you have finally found your soulmate. But once they know you are hooked, the tide turns. The affection fades, replaced by criticism and withdrawal, leaving you chasing that high. Future faking is part of this trap—making big promises they never intend to fulfill.

How to protect yourself: Do not confuse intensity with intimacy. Pay attention to whether their actions consistently match their words. Promises are cheap, patterns are what matter.

3. Triangulation: Dragging Others Into the Drama

Narcissists love to keep people off balance by introducing a third party into the mix. They may say things like, “My friend agrees with me, you are overreacting,” or “Everyone thinks you are being unreasonable.” By comparing you to someone else or claiming that others are on their side, they create competition and doubt. Suddenly, you are fighting for their approval or trying to prove yourself.

How to protect yourself: Refuse to get pulled into comparisons. Ask, “Why are you involving someone else in this?” and redirect the focus back to the issue at hand. Reconnect with your support system so you are not isolated.

4. Smear Campaigns and Reputation Sabotage

When a narcissist feels they are losing control, they may try to control how others see you. They spread rumors, twist your words, or paint you as unstable in order to turn friends, coworkers, or even family against you. The aim is simple: to isolate you and make themselves look like the reasonable one.

How to protect yourself: Stick close to people who truly know you and do not waste energy trying to chase every rumor. If it becomes serious—such as in the workplace—document their behavior in case you need to defend yourself formally.

5. DARVO: Playing the Victim When Caught

DARVO stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. It is a classic narcissistic defense mechanism. If you call them out, they will flatly deny wrongdoing, lash out at you for daring to challenge them, and then somehow paint themselves as the injured party. You end up apologizing while they walk away looking like the victim.

How to protect yourself: Stay calm and avoid getting pulled into endless debates. A simple, “I see things differently,” can shut down the argument without giving them more ammunition.

6. Emotional Baiting and Guilt Trips

Narcissists know exactly which buttons to push. They may dredge up past mistakes, guilt you with lines like, “After all I have done for you,” or say something intentionally provocative just to get a rise out of you. If you react, they have proof that you are “crazy” or “too emotional.”

How to protect yourself: Recognize the bait for what it is. Take a breath before responding and keep your answers short and neutral. Do not let them pull you into a shouting match—it is exactly what they want.

7. Silent Treatment and Stonewalling

Instead of yelling, some narcissists punish with silence. They ignore your texts, refuse to speak, or give you the cold shoulder for days. The point is to make you anxious, desperate, and willing to do anything to get back in their good graces.

How to protect yourself: Resist the urge to chase or beg. Let them sit in their silence. A calm response such as, “I will be here when you are ready to talk respectfully,” shows you are not playing their game.

8. Using Your Secrets Against You

Narcissists are skilled at getting you to open up about your fears, insecurities, or past mistakes. But what feels like intimacy at the time often becomes ammunition later. When things turn sour, they will throw your own vulnerabilities in your face or threaten to share them with others.

How to protect yourself: Be careful with what you disclose until trust has been earned over time. If they use your secrets against you, do not let them see the reaction they crave. Remind yourself that your story belongs to you, not them.

9. Slowly Eroding Your Boundaries

One of the most insidious tricks is boundary erosion. It starts small: a pushy comment, a “joke” that crosses the line, or a request you are not comfortable with. If you let it slide, the next push is bigger. Before you know it, your boundaries are blurred and your “no” no longer holds weight.

How to protect yourself: Consistency is key. When you say no, stick to it. Do not allow them to guilt or pressure you into changing your mind. Boundaries only work if you enforce them every time they are crossed.

Final Thoughts

Here is the truth: narcissists thrive on control and confusion. The tricks they use are not random outbursts—they are intentional tactics to wear you down and keep you dependent. But once you recognize the game, their power begins to unravel.

Think of it like pulling back the curtain in The Wizard of Oz. The booming voice and scary fire lose their effect once you see the small figure frantically pulling levers behind the scenes. When you know the tricks, you no longer fall for the illusion.

Protecting yourself does not always mean going to war. Sometimes it is about quietly refusing to engage, keeping your boundaries strong, and surrounding yourself with people who see you clearly. If possible, cutting ties with a narcissist altogether can be the healthiest move you make. If not, tools like the gray rock method—responding in short, neutral ways—can help you regain control.

Most importantly, remind yourself daily: you are not broken, you are not “too sensitive,” and you are not the problem. The fact that you are even reading this shows that you are aware, capable, and ready to protect your peace. That is your real power, and it is something no narcissist can take away.