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You are here: Home / Getting Started / How to Get Your Spouse On Board with Planning Your Financial Future

How to Get Your Spouse On Board with Planning Your Financial Future

March 31, 2015 | 18 Comments

One of the first things you should do before starting any financial journey is to get your spouse on board with change.

Whether your goals are to pay off all of your debt or simply to ensure that you have enough saved up for a comfortable retirement, it is imperative that your objectives are aligned with those of your spouse. With financial issues being the number one cause of divorce, it is vital that you and your spouse work together to build a solid financial future.

Sometimes, though, this can be easier said than done.

When I saw the financial light (so-to-speak) and began to imagine the freedom we would feel if my husband Mike and I paid off all of our debt, including our mortgage, all it took to get him on board was a simple conversation.

When he got home from work that day, I nervously explained my revelation and my excitement about paying off all of our debt. Then I waited for Mike to reply.

To my delight, Mike smiled and said, “Let’s do it!”

From there, we worked together to develop our plan of action and started dreaming together about what being completely debt free in a few years would allow for our future.

Unfortunately, not everyone will have such a smooth experience.

If you are ready to take control of your money, pay off your debt, and work toward true financial freedom but are worried that your spouse may be resistant, I have come up with some strategies that you can try to get him or her to jump onto the financial freedom bandwagon.

Please understand that the intention here is not about manipulating your spouse into agreeing with you. You simply want what is best for your future and the future of your family. You recognize that having a plan for your money can provide security, freedom, and opportunities; while living with a lack of intention regarding your finances may lead to a life of regret, uncertainty, and unnecessary stress.

Implement the pieces that you think will work for your situation, think positively, pray for guidance, and be prepared that it may take several conversations before your spouse fully commits.

Starting the Conversation

Once you have decided that a conversation about your financial future with your spouse is necessary, find a time when you can talk without any distractions. This may be after the kids have gone to bed in the evening or before they wake up on a Saturday morning.

Let your spouse know that you have something exciting you would like to get his or her input on. Explain that it is important and that you would appreciate their full attention.

If you lead with your excitement your spouse may be more open-minded to hearing you out.

Start by establishing some common ground for your conversation. Focus on the dreams that you and your spouse share and explain how taking control of your money can help to make those dreams a reality.

Avoid beginning the conversation with details that your spouse may be opposed to such as getting on a budget and tracking your spending. Instead, focus on the bigger picture and the direction of your financial future.

Focus on the Benefits

Explain why making a change is important to you. Focus on the benefits that being more intentional with your money will provide.

Discuss why taking this step and working together on a healthy financial plan is crucial and what it will do for your future. Share about the added security you will feel when you have a plan that will get you to your goals.

You may want to share examples of other couples who have paid off their debt and are working toward true financial freedom.

If your spouse has traditionally been the person in charge of handling your finances, let him or her know that you would like to be more involved.

Without criticizing your spouse or indicating blame, indicate how your current financial state has you feeling concerned for your future. This can be tricky so choose your words carefully or omit this part if you feel that your spouse may not react favorably.

How to Get Your Spouse On Board with Planning Your Financial Future

Ask Your Spouse for Input

Ask how your spouse feels about having a financial plan and working together to create one.

This is where you stop and listen. Fight the urge to interrupt if his or her response is not the reply you were hoping for.

If he or she is on board and shares your excitement, then begin by getting clear on your dreams together and writing goals that can lead to achieving those dreams. Next, develop your plan for success.

What to Do If Your Spouse is Resistant

If your spouse is resistant, however, then it may be best to end the conversation. It is important to respect your spouse’s opinions and avoid turning the conversation into an argument.

If you feel your spouse is open to discussing further, then ask why he or she is hesitant. Listen and try to understand where your spouse is coming from. Put yourself in his or her shoes and appreciate how they feel.

Try to offer some ideas in response to your spouse’s objections in a way that does not come off as argumentative. Position your responses as ways to help you both to achieve your objectives and work together on a solution.

Recognize that your spouse may not be able to articulate why he feels the way he feels. If your spouse is not able to explain why he or she is resistant or refuses to discuss further, then switch the conversation to a more favorable topic to your spouse.

Understand Why Your Spouse Might be Hesitant

Reflect on your spouse’s childhood and how his or her parents handled money. Examine your spouse’s relationship with money and try to understand what may be holding him back from being proactive about your financial plan.

It may just be that your spouse needs some time to process the idea of creating a financial plan or changing the direction of your financial future.

He may feel overwhelmed by the idea of budgeting, tracking spending, paying off debt, and saving money.

He may not know the first thing about budgeting or why it is necessary.

He may not think he has enough time to devote to creating and implementing a financial plan.

He may not realize that having a plan can make him feel more in control of his money. Instead, he may feel like a plan will control him.

Whatever the situation may be, being sensitive to your spouse’s feelings about money will help you decide how best to proceed.

Lead by Example

While it is best to work together with your spouse on your financial plan, that may not always be possible.

Rather than giving up on the idea of being more intentional with your money, think of some simple ways that you can lead by example. It may be that once your spouse sees you making some changes that impact the family in a positive way, he may decide to jump on board and find out how he can help.

Here are some ideas:

  • If you are the one who generally decides what to make for dinner, then maybe you can start meal planning as a way to save money on groceries and try to adhere to a food budget.
  • Perhaps you can look at your expenses and try to negotiate a cheaper rate for Internet.
  • Or maybe you can start limiting the number of lattes you purchase during the week so that you can make an extra payment toward your credit card.
  • You may want to go through your closet and pull out some clothes you no longer wear and take them to a consignment shop to bring in some extra money.

Once your spouse sees you making an effort to take control of your finances and understands how important making a change is to you, he may be more willing to work with you to develop a plan.

It is important to remain patient, maintain a positive outlook, and have faith that your spouse will eventually see the financial light.

What About You?

Participate in the conversation. What advice would you give to someone who is trying to get their spouse on board? What worked for you when you had a similar conversation with your spouse? Share in the comments below.

Filed Under: Getting Started

Comments

  1. Susannah says

    April 2, 2015 at 9:58 am

    These are such great practical ways of talking with your spouse. I’m so thankful my husband and I are on the same page with finances but this will certainly help others who may not be.

    Reply
    • Monica Louie says

      April 2, 2015 at 2:16 pm

      Thank you, Susannah! So glad to hear that you and your spouse are on the same page. 🙂

      Reply
  2. Danielle Berger says

    March 31, 2015 at 4:55 pm

    These are great points for myself and my husband to keep in mind. We both have a tendency of feeling more and less motivated to be financially responsible through different seasons in our lives. I’ll keep your post in mind as we work towards the financial goals in our future. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • Monica Louie says

      March 31, 2015 at 5:11 pm

      My husband and I go through periods of varying levels of motivation, as well, Danielle. I think it’s perfectly normal. 🙂 But when we start to see that we’re heading too far off course, we check in with each other and redirect ourselves to get back on track so that we will meet our goals. I am glad you liked the post!

      Reply
  3. Catherine says

    March 31, 2015 at 2:04 pm

    Great tips. I’ve actually mentioned this blog and couples’ successes to my husband in starting this conversation. I used the example of the couple who paid down a ton of debt on like $40 k a year – it was the video interview you posted a few weeks back. Thanks as always for the very doable tips and for inspiring me!

    Reply
    • Monica Louie says

      March 31, 2015 at 3:18 pm

      That makes me feel so good, Catherine! I am glad that blog is inspiring you to take action. Hearing stories of other young families who paid off their debt is what inspired my husband and me to take on this endeavor, and my goal with the blog has been to do the same for other young families. 🙂

      Reply
  4. alipdx says

    March 31, 2015 at 11:14 am

    Good ideas for talking about financial planning or anything! Thanks for the post.

    Reply
    • Monica Louie says

      March 31, 2015 at 3:15 pm

      Thank you for reading!

      Reply
  5. Rachel Lloyd says

    March 31, 2015 at 9:52 am

    I agree with the commenters below. Such an insightful post! I love reading your point of view!

    Reply
    • Monica Louie says

      March 31, 2015 at 3:14 pm

      Thanks, Rachel! I appreciate you stopping by!

      Reply
  6. pechluck says

    March 31, 2015 at 9:26 am

    This is full of such insightful and practical advice, yet another great post from you. The advice on stopping and listening and not interrupting is key advice for any important conversation! I think it’s especially important to note that even if your partner is not signing up yet doesn’t mean that you can’t begin trying to make some changes – it’s not an excuse to start on the plan!

    Reply
    • Monica Louie says

      March 31, 2015 at 3:14 pm

      Exactly, Pech! I wouldn’t suggest a total redesign of the financial plan without your partner’s consent, but I think there are some small changes that can be implemented.

      Reply
  7. Laura Harris says

    March 31, 2015 at 7:59 am

    This is a very well-rounded list, Monica. I love the parts about stop & listen and understand where your spouse is coming from. That can speak volumes. And sometimes they do just need time to chew on the idea.

    Reply
    • Monica Louie says

      March 31, 2015 at 3:08 pm

      Thank you, Laura! I think it is one of the best strategies for effective communication.

      Reply
  8. Marlynn [UrbanBlissLife] says

    March 31, 2015 at 7:42 am

    Empathy is definitely key to communication, especially about financial issues with a spouse! We all come to marriages with different financial histories – emotional and otherwise. Great tips as always! Thanks!

    Reply
    • Monica Louie says

      March 31, 2015 at 3:07 pm

      Thanks, Marlynn! I am glad you liked this post.

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Sell Your Stuff and Other Creative Ways to Boost Your Income - Our Debt Free Family says:
    May 18, 2017 at 10:47 pm

    […] pick two items from your lists to implement this week. Share them with your spouse or accountability partner and get moving on those by the end of the […]

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  2. Help! My Spouse Spends Too Much! - Our Debt Free Family says:
    May 6, 2017 at 3:05 pm

    […] you and your spouse haven’t agreed on your current financial goals, then review my article on how to get your spouse on board. Follow those steps to come to an agreement on where your financial life is […]

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